Gladiolus (From Mommy)

Dear Noelle,

Three summer’s ago, I planted Gladiolus in the yard. Last year, as I waited for them to bloom, I KNEW they’d bloom the week I had you.

And they did!

This year, the first Gladiolus bloomed on your first birthday. It’s a bright beautiful strong pink one right in the center of the garden. Gladiolus will forever remind me of waiting for you to be born.

From holding your tiny head between my thumb and middle finger to help you nurse, to walking around the neighborhood, wearing you in a wrap to lull you to sleep…

From your newborn baby smell to carrying you in the Ergo, while vacuuming, so you could sleep when you had teething pain…

From kissing your face until you fell asleep to the way you clutch my finger with your hand as you fall asleep, to grabbing the door handle and crying to go outside….

From excitement over the ceiling fans to excitement over dogs…

From breastfeeding every 20 minutes to loving anything I cook…

From waking up at 5am to sleeping till 9…

From sleeping on my chest as an 8lb newborn to sleeping on top of me at over 20lbs…

From feeling you kick in my tummy to seeing you smile up at me from the bed and to hearing you toddle around the bathroom saying, “mama…”

Noelle, I am 100% changed since June 27th, 2012. Like I said after having you, I don’t know who birthed who. I know I’ll be different again next year.

Until I had you, I didn’t know I was so powerful or so weak.

When I gave you the middle name that means teacher, I didn’t know how true it would prove to be.

I didn’t know what authentic parenting was till you. You’ve taught me about respecting babies and children. And I’m still learning!

You have been a teacher of feelings — leading me to feel my feelings and not stuff them.

You’ve taught me to slow down.

You’re teaching me the important things in life. More importantly, you’re teaching me what’s not important. Namely, what other people think.

You’ve taught me that raising you is as much about being a warm, loving, supportive, validating parent to myself — if not more so than it is about raising you.

You’ve taught how important it is that I nurture me so I can nurture you!

You’ve shown me the depth of my feelings: love, happiness, pain and sadness.

You are teaching me presence and awareness.

It wasn’t until this year that I noticed the sound of baby birds chirping in the trees. I can’t stop noticing them now.

I love you, Noelle,

Mommy